Poetry, say whaaat?

So rumor has it that I have become a poet. It is in fact true. Never having written a poem in my life until now, I have so far this week composed six.

It’s really weird. But I can’t help it; they just keep coming out and I have to write them down. I think it’s a way of me processing things. Just the random little things that I think about all the time.

I post them here for your viewing pleasure. In chronological order.

#1

Little red light

You don’t rule me

Why am I so dependent on you

I know I’m lonely, I get it

You seem like the gate to heaven

I don’t want to be that person

Always waiting for someone to call

Feeling like nobody loves me

Lost in self-pity and angst

But I know I need people

Technology helps me reach out

So, little red light, come by more often

You’re always welcome here

Letting me know someone cares

#2

Shadow vibrations

Waiting for you to call

Phantom elations

Hoping this time it’s for real

Texts two times

More for a phone call

Buzzing away in my jeans

To check now

Or savor the moment

Anticipate what you might say

But half the time it’s nothing

Isn’t you writing me back

Not a long-lost rich uncle

No quick text just to say hi

Instead it’s my shadow vibrations

My butt is making stuff up

Loneliness hope and dreams meet

One golden moment of glee

But then reality strikes

#3

Other people’s bodies

Sleek smooth skin

Muscles moving underneath

Wrinkles scars and spots

Tattoos and metal rings

History on your skin

How you want to appear

Contrasts with you are

Where were you when you got that burn?

Why did you choose that tattoo?

How much do you work out to look like that?

Did that piercing hurt?

What let you to that haircut?

What does that necklace mean?

Your body reads like a book

Scars recording your past

But they are only suggestions

Shadows of things that have been

Only you know the whole tale

And then there’s body language

What a conundrum

Bravado hides insecurity

iPods and books cover fear

Fear of what could happen

If we looked in each other’s eyes

And actually saw someone there

#4

I wear my sunglasses

Face is bland and empty

Look at you then through you

Never engage

You are not real people

Only terrors to be avoided

Walking question marks

Earbuds are earplugs

To any sound you make

A book fills my vision

Or I close my eyes

Can’t let anyone near

Animated bubbles

Never close enough to pop

Alone in our fear and shame

If we only realized

We are so much the same

#5

I can see your shoulders through your shirt

Muscles rippling smoothly

There’s your arm near mine

Shapely and strong

You don’t know you’re beautiful

Your hand is a wonder

Crisscrossed by veins

Long fingers, strong palms

I can see your bones

It’s a strange thing

Another body close to mine

So similar, but other

Unique, complete, and separate

There’s a romance and a power there

Another soul next to mine

I feel your energy

Watch you breathe

Wonder what you’re thinking

#6

“Hey gorgeous!”

Quiet mutter from a passing stranger

Leering call from the man in the car

I walk on, my shoulders stiffen

I relax and shrug it off

“Mamma sita, you are bonita!”

What do you expect me to do?

Is there a purpose to a catcall?

No respect, no hope for relationship

All that interests you is my body

If that’s all you want

I want nothing to do with you

I’m not an object for you to use

I’m have a soul, thoughts, and ideas

Somehow I think you might, too

“Why are you so beautiful?”

Don’t know, don’t care

Conversation over, I’m out

You gotta have more than an opening line

Have a conversation or leave me alone

Good Times

I had a lovely 4^th of July weekend. Worked all day at the frameshop on Saturday. It was ok, but I was a little out of sorts and it was a little stressful. I felt like I was really strung out on caffeine most of the day, but I’d hardly had any coffee at all, so I don’t know what was going on. Maybe something to do with the fact that I woke up at 6am for no apparent reason and thereby lost a couple hours of sleep. We did have some fun jokes, though, and soon enough the workday was done. Caitlin was due to arrive any time, so I stepped into one of the bars I like near the shop and had a quick beer while I waited for her. It was a good decision: helped me to relax and let work go and transition to spending time with Caitlin.

Her bus arrived and we found each other and took a leisurely walk down through the Village in search of food, catching each other up on our lives as we went. We ate outside at an Italian pizzeria and drank about 15 glasses of water as we continued to chat. Eventually we decided to continue on and headed towards the Hudson. We enjoyed the lights on the Jersey shore and meandered uptown next to the river. We walked a little bit of the Highline, and then headed to Chitos (because I have to make sure that every person I know goes there at some point :-P). David joined us after a bit and we had a great time laughing and talking and sipping delicious margaritas. Caitlin started to fade around 1:30 so we said goodnight and went home.

Sunday we woke up in time to head down to Chelsea for breakfast before I had to work. Ended up eating at a French bakery where we each got a chocolate croissant and a large coffee, which they served in bowls. We had a lovely philosophical conversation, which I enjoyed so much that I lost track of time and was a couple minutes late to work. But no one cared. It was a slow day at the shop, combination of rain and the holiday weekend. I worked by myself in the back and listened to my iPod, which I never do at work and thoroughly enjoyed. We closed early at 3pm and transitioned to our company BBQ. Which started on the rooftop as planned, but had to move to the shop basement because it started to rain again. The food was ok, decent BBQ, and we all brought our own beer (Caitlin bought us some Sierra Nevada). The party was not the greatest, not a lot of people came and there was a weird awkward vibe. I had a few good conversations with individual people, but the group dynamic was weird.

Afterwards Caitlin and I decided to walk to City Hall Park to see a sculpture exhibit I’ve been wanting to visit. It was a lovely walk over, very leisurely, and accompanied by good conversation (the theme of the weekend). The sculptures ended up being fairly disappointing, but there was a lovely fountain with gas-burning lanterns that we sat next to for a very long time. Just sat, not talking. It was really cool to be with someone and be so comfortable that we didn’t feel like we had to talk. Eventually we decided to continue on, and so we walked the Brooklyn Bridge, across to Brooklyn and back again. It was a lovely evening and the Manhattan skyline was gorgeous. We had a fascinating conversation about Mormonism which transitioned into one about science, evolution, and philosophy as we headed up the east side. Around 1030 we got hungry so we ate dinner at an Indian place (very delicious) and eventually headed home, arriving around 1am.

Monday we took it easy and slept in. Got breakfast at a diner in my neighborhood, and headed downtown around noon. We got off at Central Park and took a long meandering walk around, accompanied by more good conversation. We sat on a bench for a while and watched people go by, then walked down the west side looking for food. Which took longer than planned, but eventually and after a few mishaps we got some at a diner. It was getting late in the afternoon so we continued to head down to her bus, but stopped in Hell’s Kitchen at a French café to split a carafe of sangria and a complimentary plate of olives. And then we headed to her bus. Which she got on and was whisked away around 630pm. I’m so glad she came up; we had a lovely visit. It was great to reconnect.

My plans for the evening were up in the air for a bit so I hung around in Chelsea and proceeded to search for a restroom. All the Starbucks had closed theirs for the holiday, which I thought was lame, so after some wandering I went to Chitos. Which you’re not supposed to use unless you’re a customer but I felt that I am such a regular there that it wasn’t a big deal. And they didn’t seem to mind. As I waited for my plans to firm up I sat in park and read and listened to patriotic songs played on church bells and watched the hordes of people heading towards the river to get spots to see the fireworks. Literal hordes. And I hate crowds. Because of this I’d asked David if I could come over and watch the fireworks from his roof. And eventually he got back to me with a yes, so I headed over around 830. And we had a lovely evening. We drank beers, ate chips and salsa, and watched the fireworks from his roof. We had a pretty good view and the show itself was awesome. My favorites may have been the smiley face fireworks, but there were lots of awesome sparkly shimmery ones too.

After the show we watched the hordes returning from the river and felt so lucky and smart that we were on a roof and not down on the street. We went inside and hung out for a while, played with the cat and got into a long awesome conversation that started with the founding fathers, racism, and the civil war and ended with psychology and the brain and how it works. Very interesting stuff. I left around 1am, made it home and to bed by 230, and got up and headed back to the studio this morning. It was a long slow day, I did a script breakdown of a new show we’re doing about the Laker/Celtic rivalry (excellent, by the way) and struggled to stay awake after my long weekend of partying.

I think my recovery will be a bit slower than normal but it was 100% worth it. I had a lot of fun, a lot of great conversations, and thoroughly enjoyed my day off of work. I feel tired but restored and happy.

And two more weeks have flown by. Things at the internship have continued to improve. I did a few drafting projects after my model projects, but then started doing real things. We had a fast approaching deadline for the Godspell model, so I spent a lot of time working on that. I got to go to the bid session for that show this week, which is where the design is presented to several scene shops who then come up with estimates for how much it will cost them to build, and whoever is cheapest gets the bid. Very interesting. I’ve done some small research stuff, run random errands, and have been working on a wallpaper project for A Doll’s House. I’ve made a couple trips to this awesome wallpaper store to collect samples for David, and have been doing lots of Photoshop work making renderings for him and the director that show the various options in the model.

David has been back in town for a week now and he’s a real bundle of energy. I’m getting used to having him around and find it very interesting to listen to his interactions with people in production meetings and around the studio. He’s purposely trying to let me see as much of what he does as possible, which I really appreciate. He’s really nice and handles the incredible amounts of stress that he’s under very well. Yesterday he got nachos for us all and we ate them together and then started our long weekend early by leaving work at 430.

We just found out that Chinglish, the new show that David was teching in Chicago a couple weeks ago, has become a huge hit and is transferring to Broadway in the fall. So that’s exciting. And we started a new project called Magic/Bird. I’m working on analyzing the script and can’t wait to read the rest of it: it’s about the Laker/Celtics rivalry in the 80s.

Things have gotten much better on the hanging out front. I’ve been scheduling people in and have greatly enjoyed spending time with them. I hung out with Stephanie both weeks: we did a picnic on the piers by the Hudson the first week and dinner at an Italian place this week. I love hanging with her. I also got to enjoy Mexican with Liz, my small group leader, and eat with Caroline from small group as well.

Also I’ve managed some very restorative alone time. I played in the rain last week. We got this torrential rainstorm and I was outside and didn’t have any reason particularly not to get wet, so I stayed out in it and walked around and got completely drenched and had a lovely time. Then went to small group and froze in the air conditioning for the rest of the night, but hey. It was worth it. Last Saturday after work I went back to the Chelsea Piers and sat by the water and watched the boats for a couple hours and enjoyed the breeze. It was lovely. And Thursday this week I took a beautiful long walk across Manhattan from east side to west side. I made it to the Hudson just as the sun was going down. The weather has been so beautiful recently, I’ve loved being outside every chance I can get.

So I’m adjusting to my new life. I do miss the frameshop still a lot, and just the comfortable happy existence I had there. I’m definitely being stretched in new ways at the studio, but I am learning a ton and am getting happier being there. I know I’m where God wants me right now, which makes all the difference.